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On my heart…

Tonight I’m writing a personal post. Something that is heavy on my heart… Mom shaming is real in this world we live in, and let me tell you, mom shaming hurts. It hurts bad. Today I was somewhat mom shamed and it hurt. As a mother I think we are all trying to find our way, find ourselves, find a way to survive, and find a way to love our child the best we can. Being a mom is tough even without mom shaming… Don’t we “shame ourselves” enough as it is?? The whole “I’m not feeding my child organic, I must be failing” or the “I don’t stick to a bedtime routine… yep, definitely a failure for sure.” I know i’ve played these mind games with myself since becoming a mom. Being a mom can be difficult and hard, yet it is the biggest blessing we can be given. This being said, I want to share my thoughts regarding my blessing, Ella Rose…

I know, I take DOZENS of “professional” photos of my daughter. Some of you may love them, some of you may hate them. To each their own… There are many reasons I love to photograph my sweet girl– Let’s state the obvious here, I’m a photographer and that’s what I do. I absolutely love a beautiful image. It’s in my nature. I photograph happy faces of other children day in and day out…I pride myself on capturing that perfect photo of your perfect child. I only feel that I should have that opportunity for my child, too. Also, I find GREAT JOY capturing Ella’s sweet face month to month. It will truly be a treasure for our family to have these images 50 years down the road. Do my photos  “appear” perfect? To some, maybe… but, why would I not want to share a great photo since this is my passion, my career, and she is my greatest blessing. Also, let me be the first to say, she is the least perfect baby i’ve photographed– she is a hyper little maniac and my husband and I have to work to get the sweet shots that we do. 🙂

Capturing the beauty of Ella Rose’s childhood is SO IMPORTANT to me for another big reason… As many of you know, I used to work in a pediatric hospital. In my role as a child life specialist I spent a ton of time with families who lost their greatest blessing far too early… whether it was to cancer, a terrible accident, a horrible illness, full body burns, etc… each of these families had their greatest joy taken away. Each time we lost a patient my heart was absolutely broken for the family. I cannot imagine their pain. Being a mother made me realize the pain in their loss even more…I think most of them would say TAKE THE PHOTOS!! POST THE PHOTOS!! I think each would say, you can never have too many photos of your sweet blessing– whether these are day to day snap shots, or professional photos. Each is a memory being captured by the person behind the lens–Iphone lens or a Mark iii professional lens– This is a huge reason I delight in capturing Ella month to month in a beautiful way. I can’t tell you how many memories we have made during her photo shoots. You may see just another pretty picture, but when I look at it I see what she’s done that month! I see the quirky things that she did during the photo session. It is so much more than just a pretty picture to me.

Do I post these pretty photos for selfish reasons? To show how “perfect” our life is? How perfect my child is? To flaunt what we have in an adorable way? Do I doll my child up and make her my accessory? Do I take these photos to make myself feel better? Do these photos boost my confidence as a mother? The answer to all of these questions is a BIG FAT NO. I share these photos because my Ella Rose is my greatest joy and greatest blessing. Sharing her photos makes me beam with joy and pride. Pride to be her mother, pride that we hit another milestone (sleeping through the night at month 10 wahoo), pride that God trusted me with her precious life, and pride in the little girl she will soon become. I truly hope you all know that my heart is in the right place and I only share my photos because, as friends, we should delight in each others greatest joys and blessings…

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